Lorelai's Hand
by Rosaroma
Summary: Lorelai's rain gutter wound gets infected and her hand is amputated. Pierpont gets what's coming to him.
1. Be My Bluebird

Begins from an idea in **Lost & Found**, when Lorelai cuts her hand cleaning the rain gutters.  
However Lorelai's cut became infected. 

* * *

**_We need to remove the hand._**

Lorelai gasped, rolled over and felt the pain, "Rory!" her voice rose an octave.

"Mom!"

Lorelai flipped over to see Rory rush into her bedroom and straight to her side.

"I don't feel good," Lorelai said gripping the blankets.

"The doctor said it was expected, and that we shouldn't worry." Rory chanted whilst avoiding her mother's gaze.

"Worrying is all I'm doing." Lorelai said.

"Okay, look at me Mom. This is going to make a great Peter Pan slash Captain Hook, mother daughter costume." She couldn't finish it off with her usual grin so she grimaced as cheerfully as she could.

"Do you want some coffee?" Rory asked tentatively, hoping her mother would appreciate some routine. She had never felt unsure about Lorelai's answer to that question her whole life.

"Yeah, I guess."

Lorelai slid her legs out from under the covers and staggered over to the wardrobe. The pain medication was giving her a serious hangover.

"So…nothing with buttons. Unless your going to be the bluebird and I'm Snow White." Lorelai tried for lighthearted.

"Mom, I can help you. Really, I can." Rory fiddled with the dressers drawer handles.

"It's fine. I've been in harder binds than this; this is what having a baby has prepared me for." _Doing everything with one hand._

Lorelai looked the options over and decided a dress was the best way to go, no zippers. Rory went downstairs and so she felt fine letting her confidence slip off her face. Taking a deep breath she started wriggling out of her pyjama trousers with her one hand. _Good thing I don't always wear a bra because that's not going to happen today._

* * *

 **Authors note: An idea I wanted to explore. Are you interested?** __


	2. Oh Gno

Jess rounded the corner into the Gilmore's garden just in time to witness Lorelai kicking one of Babettes gnomes. His mouth fell open and he glanced to Babbete's front window to check there wasn't a rifle levelled on Lorelai. "Huh," he said without his usual bravado.

"Jess." Lorelai took on a defensive stance.

"Lorelai, everything alright?" He wandered over. "With the neighbours..." he said pointing down at the crowd of gnomes staring up at her. He could have sworn their creepy ceramic faces looked more panicked than usual.

Lorelai swallowed a tic of a smile, she hated that they had a similar sense of humour. "Yep. Peachy. Just rearranging them after the err strong winds last night."

"Mom," Rory came out with a foot long wrench, "you don't think we'll incriminate Luke by using 'Alf' to vandalise Babette's gnomes?" She asked indicating that the wrench had been named. She didn't spot Jess till she came round Lorelai's side. Her face only held a slight chagrin at what he'd just heard.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Dean chose that moment to pull into the driveway.

"No, no, not Dean!" Lorelai whined. Jess' expression was pure curiosity. "Hey, usually I'm all Dean all the time, but right now your unlawfulness would be preferable to his do goodery." Lorelai's eyes gleamed in annoyance at their gnome plans being stalled.

"Jess, could you go get my mum a soda? She's _dehydrated_." Rory said glaring at her mum. Jess nodded in amusement and went nonetheless. Life at the Gilmore house was never boring.

"What's Jess doing here?" Dean asked kissing her barely and watching Jess go into his girlfriends house.

Rory hugged him. "Luke sent him over to fix the drains." She whispered into his ear so as not to remind her mom about the drains. Back to normal volume she said, "Me and my mum are just about to do some...remodelling, can we hang out tomorrow?" Lorelai was swinging the wrench lightly back and forth in her only hand, eyeing Beauregard the gnome. Rory didn't care what Dean thought of her mother but something in her wanted him to leave in this particular moment. She didn't think he would understand.

"Oh, I guess." He frowned and tried again. "I got the afternoon off, I thought..." She knew what he thought, but that didn't matter right now.

"Tomorrow." Rory beamed. Dean slumped and climbed back into his car not looking at her. When the car had pulled away Jess reappeared, soda in hand. "So...what are you guys up to?"

Lorelai's small controlled smile that had on occasion scared Jess appeared now. "If I can't have two hands, then neither can these lesser garden ornaments." Her eyebrows quirked as she raised the wrench over her head and cracked the head off of Beauregard.

"Mom!" Rory shouted jumping back.

"Hmm, maybe a wrench was the wrong choice." Lorelai said standing over the pile of ceramic shards.

Jess held out his hand for the wrench. Lorelai passed it over begrudgingly and Jess leant it against the tree.

"There's an easier way." He stepped past her, stepping over the deceased Beauregard and spotting Pierpont. "Perfect." Knocking the familiar gnome over with a tap he put one foot on the arm and then all his weight behind it. The arm disintegrated under his shoe and he smiled at Lorelai.

"Just like that..." Lorelai said walking up to Ninon and stamping off her eternally fishing arm. "Not fishing now are you!?" Lorelai smiled, and then her and Jess looked at Rory expectantly. Rory fiddled with the hem of her top but took a deep breath.

"Alright," she walked up to the closest gnome and pressed against its arm before she could talk herself out of it. Helping her mom get through this was her job, and she was going to do whatever it took.

The three of them jumped and hopped their way around a whole garden of gnomes, laughing and hypothesising on how Babette would take her revenge.

When they'd run out of right hands to remove they all sat on the front porch panting. After a while Lorelai swivelled and went to high five Jess for his gnome expertise. The sudden embarrassment as she held up her right arm and no hand flooded through her and the grief reminder that she didn't have a right hand made her want to throw up. Frowning and blinking to clear the headache that instantly descended, she got up and went inside the house ignoring Rory's quiet "Mom."


	3. Chocolate Haze

I haven't written on here for a while.  
This story keeps grabbing my attention.

* * *

 **Chocolate Haze**

Babette had brought an increasingly crazy number of baked goods over to the house since the ceramic massacre. Lorelai wasn't complaining, most of them contained chocolate.  
'You know I could get used to this chocolate haze. Usually I have to take my hits when we can afford chocolate but I've been buzzed for daysss.' She dragged the last word out with happy eyes gazing at the kitchen wall.

Rory side eyed her and nodded. 'Mmhmm, crazy lady needs to go to work.'  
Lorelai wrinkled her nose and grabbed her handbag. 'This is so unfair. Don't I get to work from home through a six foot tall avatar like Jake Sully?'  
'No, but we can watch Avatar again when you get home if it'll make you feel better.'  
Lorelai sighed dramatically. 'Fine, but Luke better Dane to be there.' She winked, 'See what I did there?'  
'Yes, I saw what you did there for the last week.' Rory shuffled Lorelai out the door and waved as Jess pulled up. She shouted after Lorelai, 'Pick up a new joke while you're at work.'

'This is not one of the payoffs I expected when I decided to get my hand amputated for kicks.' Lorelai mused as she slammed the car door shut and hoped it would spontaneously fall off.  
'Huh,' Jess was up for insults. 'I didn't realise you were paying me. Great.' He said with a tenacious grin. She struggled with the seatbelt but eventually clicked it into place.  
'I'm gonna _pay_ Kirk to kill you. Or maybe I'll pay that new detective over at the police station to find all the traffic signs that have been going missing lately.'  
'Yeah, I think that'll end about as well as Kirk's missing person's business.' Jess turned onto the main street.  
Lorelai smirked, 'it did take the town a while to find him.'

'This is my stop,' Jess said pulling up outside Lukes.  
'This was mighty neighbourly of you,' Lorelai said getting out and pretending to doff a hat in his direction as she headed for the coffee.

'Hey Lorelai,' Luke ignored the customer he'd been serving and came over. 'I'm sorry…about your hand. I'd give you mine if it wasn't so damn attached.' He rubbed his hands together anxiously and seemed to realise how ridiculous he sounded. 'I know you've got Rory, and she's just great, but if you need adult help.' He glared at her salacious grin. 'Anyway, if you ever want some screaming time, you know…I'm around. If stuffs bad, I'm here.'

Lorelai closely inspected him, 'your face is all red and blotchy. Are you feeling okay?' She managed to make him squirm.

'Yeah, I'm fine.' He hastened back around the counter and started pouring coffee into everyone's cups, including a guy who was drinking tea.  
'Hey!' the guy nearly said something more but thought better of it.  
'So, I know you've got a lot on your plate.' Luke said.  
'I don't have a plate, I haven't ordered yet,' she said pouting.

'Jess is flunking,' he said producing a plate with pancakes, strawberries and cream.  
'And this should surprise me?'  
Luke poured her a large cup of coffee. 'Look, you know he reads a lot. He's smart. But he is not studying smart.'  
Lorelai clicked where this was going and starting shaking her head.  
'Please, Lorelai.'

'Sweetie, are you home?' Lorelai threw her coat onto the stand and went into the living room. 'Boy do I have a joke for you.'  
Rory looked at her through squinted eyes, 'go on…'  
'What do you get when Jess doesn't do his homework?' Rory blanked.  
'You get to tutor him. If you want to.' Lorelai picked fibres off the blanket on the armchair and hoped that Rory would refuse.  
'Mom, that's mean.'  
'Luke asked me if you would tutor him.'

'Oh,' Rory smiled and went down the hall.  
'Oh?' Lorelai scampered after her. 'Like, oh, what a funny guy that Luke Danes is? Oh, how hilarious that he thinks I have time to tutor on my way to Harvard, kind of oh?'  
Rory was searching along her shelves for the book he'd borrowed. 'Oh, as in. That's so kind of Luke to think of me. Oh, as in that would look great on transcripts to said university.' Rory said, making Lorelai flop facedown onto the bed. 'And, oh look a book Jess is passionate about. It won't take much of my time Mom.'

'Is this what a lost hand for?' Lorelai said mock forlornly.  
'Is that your new joke? Cause if so you've really lost your touch.'  
Lorelai sat up and smiled trustingly at her daughter. Rory sat down and hugged Lorelai. 'It'll be fine.'

* * *

AN: Is the story grabbing your attention?


End file.
